Random Thoughts

Seriously this thing looks like it should live in the kitchen and blend shit! I am not so sure I would feel too comfortable sticking my knob in it. Plus I would probably need to wear my glasses to see what’s going on with it. 

Just wait a fucking second! I have just had a thought and go with me here…… picture the scene….. we have all seen the WhatApp with the lady who says you want happy ending and then a clown comes in. What if you have the best massage of your entire fucking life, the therapist leaves you in the room with this contraption would you? Mmmmm

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Every now and then I like to have a little self help bit!

It has recently come to my attention that there is rather a disturbingly large amount of men who shave their pubes. This includes balls, gooch and bum hole (WTF!!) I was contemplating to myself while staring at my unkept bush how one would accomplish this feat? Without an embarrassing visit to the local waxing shop or an even more embarrassing visit to the doctor after you had sliced your ball bag! The answer is slowly apparently. Picture the scene in your bathroom on your back, legs spread wide, lights on full, mirror between your legs with your pide and joy covered in Gillette. It is of course the best an man can get after all! And your wife walks in! Lovely. Now lets say you have gotten through this successfully and now the stubble has started to grow. Things move around down there they not relatively static like a ladies bits (unless you wear rubber undies!). Its going to be like sticking the old meat and 2 veg in a red ant nest. The old purple headed warrior will look like its been sandpapered. 

I like the next man appreciate a well tendered vag garden but fuck me that doesn't mean I want to join you. I have never really considered my tackle to be the most attractive thing around. Making it now look like a plucked turkey with band-aids on it could be considerably worse.

More ramblings from an empty mind soon as they pop out...

To all the miserable arseholes, wankers, dipshits and C U Next Tuesdays that cut me off, drove down the the emergency lane and fucked around on their phones at 60 km under the speed limit in the fast lane during this mornings commute! FUCK YOU!!!

Johannesburg traffic is a joke, thank God for good radio and Urbanol that managed to kick in before I rammed someone.

until someone giggles and shits! 

While out this evening doing a brain refresh on the bike. I was listening to a podcast about gut health and the importance of taking magnesium in the evenings if you want a healthy dump in the morning. Interesting stuff lots of stats about people being constipated and what it leads to and why you should start your day shit free. Anyway I digress, I was out there trying to get over a company all hands meeting where we are being sold down the river and told to enjoy the trip. Wouldn’t it be nice to take a handful of magnesium and get rid of the corporate bullshit in one smooth glorious gut emptying moment. One can wish, more insight from the dark corners of an empty brain tomorrow.

So today’s random thoughts while out walking were about toilet seats. I have to replace the guest Stink Bowl Thunder Throne. I am sure it has seen thousands of butts and quite a few dribbles and misses! Gross. Anyway I hate sitting on the thing. That lead me to thinking about travelling, the horror of using a long drop in the East. My worst experience was nearly shitting on my shoes in a Qatar Airport bathroom when I nearly lost my balance. (No I was not trying to read the news while squatting!) Then second was having to hold my balls up while taking a dump in a USA Vegas hotel. They have this really fucked up design where the water is just below your ass. How do you know when you are in your 50s is when your balls drop so low they can kiss the water in a US toilet. Anyway that was a really fucking random story sorry, I will try harder tomorrow…..

Trying to identify the father of Bonnie Blue's baby is equivalent to eating a tin of baked beans and trying to figure out which exact bean made you fart! My favourite joke of the day. Can you imagine being guy number 400!

I had always thought that anal bleaching was solely the domain of gay guys and porn stars. But who would have thought that it is supposedly common practice for straight woman who wear g-strings (God bless them)! This is according to my extensive research and AI of course. Research I can really get behind in a manner of speaking :-) I suppose it really makes sense in a fucked up way, who wants to get a brown eye every time a woman bends over on the beach. Although I cannot see the common man ripping off his mirrored shades and looking the other way in disgust can you? I cannot say I have ever been put off with the thought of some shading around the target!

Can you imagine being the poor person at the wax salon doing the bleaching. Anyway just weird and I choose this of all the shit I could think of as my first post!